Harry & Burtie Go To Prom
by Not-A-Mer-Gentleman
Summary: This is a one shot where Nick & Jess chaperone a high school prom. Hope you like it! ;)


Jess arrived at the laundromat at about 4 o'clock that day, she liked going on Wednesday afternoons because she found it was the slowest time of the week so she always had her pick of washing machines and dryers. Grabbing a couple of the wheeled silver baskets from under the table, she began sorting her clothes into 2 piles, lights and darks. She placed her large floral comforter, sheets and blue curtains in the biggest washer and set the cycle on cold, adding her detergent and quarters to get it started. Then she headed back to her purple laundry bag and pulled out the remaining items from the bottom.

The last few balls of fabric were familiar to her but not because they belonged to her. Nick had done it again, he'd snuck some of his wash in with hers so he could avoid doing laundry for a couple extra days. Honestly, she should've expected it, Nick had been picking up so many extra shifts lately that he'd barely been home long enough to shower and spend an hour or two with Jess before they'd go to bed, let alone do chores or laundry. So, with a sigh and every intention to bust his chops affectionately later on, Jess loaded her delicates into a small washer along with three pairs of Nick's black boxer briefs, five of his mismatched gray and white socks, a pair of khaki pants and two plaid flannels. She smiled as she opened the first flannel she'd picked up because it was the orange and gray one she wore the morning after their first night together.

Once she'd set all the machines up, she sat down on the leather couch of the laundromat and fell into a daze as she stared through the round porthole-like glass door to the washer at the rainbow of colors spinning and flopping in the sudsy water. The white foam reminding her of that morning as she rinsed the shampoo from her hair in the shower, while singing, "take myyy hand... take my whoooole liiiife toooo for..." she stopped_,_ absentmindedly, closing her eyes to stepped under the heavenly hot stream of water and get the suds off of her face. Suddenly, two hands slid over her hips from behind her, slick with soapy water and she could feel Nick's body pressing against her from behind. She could hear his voice just above a whisper, softly in her ear...

"I can't help falling in love with _you_ Miss Day." he said with a hint of seduction in his tone and dipped his head to kiss the side of her neck. He knew she loved that, his kisses on the soft spot just under her ear.

She turned within his grasp, his fingers now grazing the curve of her bottom. "Mmm," she moaned, kissing him firmly, reaching her hands down and cupping the perfection that was his backside. "I didn't think you'd be up for hours." she said, leaning in for another kiss.

"Well," he said, "I heard you singing so I knew you must be in the shower and I thought I'd make you a cup of tea before you left for work." he took her chin in his hand and held her face as he kissed her more firmly, breathing her in. "Then," he continued, "It dawned on me that you were in the shower... naked and if _you're_ naked,_ I_ want to be there... so I got up..." he smirked, "and now well... I'm_ up._"

Smiling devilishly at his innuendo, she teased, "Mister Miller, you have a very dirty mind," she reached behind him, taking his shower gel in hand, "it's a good think you're in the shower with me... because I can help with that."

"You'd do that for me? How kind." He replied playfully.

She began to lather him up, and the more she rubbed his wet skin, the more foamy the white suds became, trailing the curve of his strong arms, down his chest, all the way to his... in a flash she was pulled out of her reverie by her blaring ringtone, _I'M SO EXCITED AND I JUST CAN'T HIDE IT_. She jumped and first, so jarred by the interruption of her daydream. She didn't recognize the number but answered anyway, "Hello?"

"Hello... this is... Dr. Foster...am I... speaking with... Jessica Day?"

Jess cringed and rolled her eyes a little at the slow, drawn out drawl of her new principal's voice, "Oh hi Dr. Foster, yes, this is Jessica. How are you?"

He replied, "I'm well Jessica... thank you. I'm calling... on behalf off... my colleague... Principal Green at... the Senior High School. It seems that... the junior prom is... this Friday and... as luck would have it... they're short on chaperones."

"Oh," Jess said, confused about what this all had to do with her, "have they asked any parents?"

"Well," he began, "it seems that the students... might not... enjoy themselves if... their parents were... watching them... the whole time." He then added, "I'd consider it a favor if... you might... consider... volunteering. You could... bring a friend."

Still new at this job, Jess was eager to prove herself and please her new boss. Not wanting to seem difficult she agreed immediately, "I'd be happy to Dr. Foster and I know just who to bring."

"That's wonderful Jessica... I'm sure that... you and your friend will... have a lovely time. Please report to... the high school gymnasium by... 7 PM and bring your... dancing shoes." He added cheerfully.

"Looking forward to it." She said before ending the call.

* * *

Nick entered the loft tired from a double shift at the bar and headed straight to the kitchen to see what there was for him to eat.

"Nick!" Jess called from her room, "Is that you?"

Closing the cabinet door because nothing inside it appealed to him, he began to reach for the handle to the refrigerator while calling out, "Yeah Jess, it's me!"

Walking into the kitchen in his favorite short, light pink robe, Jess began reaching for the spatula, "I thought you might be hungry so I picked up some cold cuts to make you your favorite a grilled ham and cheese sandwich when you got home." She pulled the bread and non-stick pan out, preparing the necessary ingredients.

He reached out in an immediate response, turning her around and pressing their bodies together as he pulled her in for a kiss that was full of gratitude. "Hi." He whispered as their foreheads touched.

The kiss took her breath away, the way his kisses always did and she replied in a daze, "Hi."

"You're an angel, thank you." He whispered, his breath tickling her neck before their lips met again. "I'm exhausted."

"I bet." She said, her fingers tracing his lips as she spoke to him, a small pout forming on her full pink lips, "I feel like I haven't seen you all week."

He kissed the tip of her finger softly, then pulled her closer and kissed her nose, "And yet here you are, waiting up to make me something to eat... how'd I get so lucky hmm?"

She smiled, pulling away to finish making his sandwich, "Well I want you to be happy when you think about coming home to me Nicholas."

His eyes softened as he looked at her, "Coming home to you would be the best part of my day regardless, Jess."

She looked back from the stove and tilted her head, smiling back at him adoringly. "So I went to the laundromat today and you'll never guess what was in with my wash..."

He smirked, "I haven't the faintest idea."

"Is that right? Well, it seems that some of _your_ clothes stowed away in my laundry bag." She replied.

"That's freaky." He said, a serious expression on his face, "Do you think our clothes are like the toys in Toy Story? Like they come alive and walk around when we're not looking? Because clearly that's the sort of phenomenon we're dealing with here."

A smirk crept across her face and a tiny laugh followed as she nodded, "Clearly... that _must_ be what happened!"

"It's the only explanation." He replied with a tiny sparkle in his eye.

"Your stuff's folded on your bed." She said as she turned off the flame, scooped the sandwich out of the pan and placed it onto the plate in front of him.

"Why are you so good to me?" He said, taking a bite of the sandwich and moaning in pleasure at the taste.

"Well let's see, it's not because I've got the hots for ya... or because I think you're handsome or sweet... and it couldn't possibly be that I do these things because I love you or anything like that." She said playfully as she sat next to him and poured some chips onto his plate for him. "It's gotta be because I like the way your lips taste."

His eyebrows went up, "Really?"

Leaning forward, "Let me see," she kissed him softly, smiles forming on both of their lips, "yup that's the reason, you've just got delicious lips Miller... and I can't get enough of 'em."

"There's more where that came from you know." He said, taking another bite and winking at her.

She chuckled, "I'm counting on that." Then she asked, "Hey do you think Bob would mind covering for you this Friday?"

He looked a little confused, "I can ask him, why?"

"Well," she began, "my Principal asked me if I would chaperone the prom at the high school and I really want to make a good impression at the new job so I said I'd do it..." at this Nick's eyebrows went up, as he wondered what this had to do with him, "he said I could bring someone and I thought it might be fun if we went together."

Squinting as he looked at Jess, Nick didn't think that going to a prom sounded like something he'd want to do, especially in his thirties. "I don't know Jess." He began, but she cut him off.

"Please Nick, I've barely seen you all week and this could be like a little date night for us. Plus, making a good impression at this new job is important to me... plleeeaaase." she said making puppy eyes at him.

Deciding that this was a good opportunity to repay her for all the little things she did for him, he replied, "I will only go to this prom if you will be my date Jessica."

Her face lit up, "Oh Nick, really? We're gonna have so much fun! I'll wear a pretty dress and get my nails done and you can wear that 3 piece suit from the first wedding we went to together... you look so dapper in that suit, like an old fashioned gentleman caller."

"A gentleman caller Jess? Really? Am I dating or _courting_ you?" he asked.

Jess pretended to fan herself while batting her lashes at him and replying in a southern drawl, "Why Mister Miller I would just love to have some sweet tea with you on the porch."

"Well I hope you can handle your liquor little lady cause the only _sweet tea_ Nick Miller does is a Long Island Iced Tea and I'm not sure a lady of your caliber can handle it." He said in reply.

"Oh I can handle anything you can give me Nicholas." she replied.

His voice grew a little raspy then, "Is that right? Well we may need to test that theory ma'am."

She gasped, "Mr. Miller! Are you trying to seduce me?"

He reached out to her, pulling her to him with his hand firmly on the small of her back, "Well that depends Ms. Day, are you planning on resisting me?"

And then she was kissing him deeply, the heat between them intensifying. And she pulled back, eyes closed, panting as she whispered to him, "I could never resist you Nick, I wouldn't dream of it."

* * *

That morning Nick went to the florist to get the corsage he'd ordered as a surprise for Jess. He'd figured that white goes with everything so he'd asked for a simple corsage of 3 white roses with baby's breath and asked them to spray it with silver glitter to add a little pizzaz. Placing the clear plastic container that held the corsage in his glove compartment, he set out to the dry cleaners to pick up his suit for later that night and caught them just 10 minutes before they closed. "Whew! That was close!" he said to the woman behind the counter, "I need this suit for tonight, good thing I wasn't late or I'd have had nothing to wear!"

While Nick was running his errands, Jess headed off to the salon to get her nails and hair done special for her prom date with Nick. When she sat in the chair at the salon waiting for her nails to dry, the girl asked her if she wanted to wax her eyebrows or upper lip while she was there. Eyes widening in alarm over the fact that someone just implied that she might have a mustache, Jess touched her upper lip in a panic. She'd never waxed before, Cece usually used a hair remover cream or bleach on her but she was out of town on a magazine shoot and Jess had never taken care of her tiny bit of facial hair herself so she felt like maybe she should just get her lip waxed while she was there. "Okay," she said reluctantly and followed the girl the back room. When the girl placed the wax on Jess's face, she winced in pain. Never having gotten waxed, Jess figured it would be hot but this was _really_ hot and she couldn't wait for this ordeal to be over. "The things women do for beauty!" she said awkwardly to herself, wincing at the pain when the girl ripped the strip from Jess's face. At this Jess silently vowed never to get waxed again.

* * *

As the day progressed Jess could help but notice how tender and tight the skin around her mouth felt. She knew she had sensitive skin but this was ridiculous. By the time she'd arrived at the loft, it hurt her to smile so she went to the bathroom to see if her skin looked blotchy or red. Looking in the mirror, Jess was horrified at what she saw. The girl must have burned her with the wax and now the skin around her mouth looked like a massive, dark red mustache. She flew into a frenzy to cover it up with makeup but all it did was irritate the skin more and nothing seemed to conceal the puffiness. Jess could almost cry, she was so excited about tonight and now she couldn't possibly look as pretty as she'd hoped. So feeling a little defeated, Jess decided to suck it up and do her best to have a good time. At least she knew Nick would like her red dress since he always liked her in red.

* * *

When Nick stepped out of the shower and walked into his room to pull the suit from the pink plastic bag that the cleaners had wrapped it in, his jaw dropped. On the hanger before him was a 3 piece suit but it wasn't the brown suit Jess had dropped off for him. It was a ridiculous powder blue suit that looked like it came right out of a movie. Nobody in their right mind would wear this thing in public. The cleaners must have accidentally mixed up his suit with someone else's. He was 4 digits into dialing the phone number to the dry cleaners when he remembered that they would be closed by now. He was stuck, with no suit... or rather, with this absurd suit and he was due at the prom with Jess in less than an hour. Not knowing what else to do, Nick marched across the hall and into Jess's room, "Hey Jess, he said cautiously... we've got a small problem." Just then he noticed her face, "Whoa! What happened?"

Jess's face dropped, "Is it that bad? Oh god!" She looked like she was about to cry.

The girl at the salon convinced me that I needed to wax my upper lip and she burned me and now... now I look like Burt Reynolds."

He smiled and laughed, mostly because A. She did sorta look like Burt Reynolds in that moment, and B. Because suddenly, he wasn't alone in feeling like he was going to look ridiculous at this prom. "Burtie," he said. She looked at him confused. "You have lady parts so you're not Burt, you're Burtie Reynolds." She smiled weakly at his attempt to cheer her up. "Don't worry Jess, nobody's gonna notice your homage to _the bandit_ when you're standing next to me." Jess looked at him confused. "The dry cleaners mixed up my suit with an 70's looking polyester number... but I will embarrass myself for you and wear it."

"You will?" She asked.

Chuckling, Nick said, "Well that depends, am I getting lucky after this prom?"

Jess kissed him and smiled, then her curiosity got the better of her and she ran across the hall to see the awful suit he'd just described and came back to ask him, "Nick Miller, you would actually wear that thing for me? You're gonna look like Harry from _Dumb and Dumber!" _She exclaimed.

He sighed, fully aware of the sacrifice he was offering to make, "For _you_ Jess, I would. I'd do anything for you."

"In that case it's a sure thing." She said in reply.

"What is Jess?" He asked, unsure what she was talking about.

"You are _definitely_ getting lucky after prom." She said, "Now go get dressed Harry."

He kissed her, "You got it Burtie." He said and chuckled as he walked back across the hall.

* * *

The prom seemed to be a big success, the kids were having fun and there were no issues so the chaperoning part was proving to be a breeze. The music was a nightmare though, Nick thought to himself that _he_ could've done a better job than this hack who called himself, _DJ Cray Cray_. Nick had skimmed the song list to see if there was anything he'd like to request but there was only one song that he'd liked enough to ask for. It was one of the few slow classics that the DJ had in his library of songs so he requested it and as he turned to leave the DJ's area and wait for his song to be played, he accidentally bumped into a girl standing close behind him, he nearly knocked off her corsage and was in the middle of apologizing when it dawned on him that he'd never given Jess the corsage he'd gotten her from the florist.

Telling Jess he'd be right back, he ran to his car and opened his glove compartment in a rush, but his hopes were crushed when he saw what sat in the clear container before him. Being locked in the hot car all day had wilted and browned roses, only the babies breath had survived unscathed. He rubbed his forehead and sighed, disappointed that he wouldn't get to give Jess a little something special to mark the occasion the way he'd planned. As he made his way back into the school, he couldn't help but notice some sounds coming from down the hallway from the gym. Deciding it was his job as a chaperone to catch horny teenagers, he walked toward the giggling he'd heard. There in the wood shop classroom he found a young couple pawing at each other in the darkened room. Smirking as he remembered what it was like to be their age and desperate for alone time, he knocked on the door and cleared his throat loudly to get their attention. "Okay you two, I can't blame ya for trying to sneak off but ya can't stay here. Get back to the gym." Mortified, the couple scurried off and just as the boy passed him, Nick gave him a little thumbs up and the boy grinned and walked off. As Nick turned back to shut off the light and close the door to head back himself, he got an idea and decided to act quickly.

Jess walked over to the DJ hoping he'd have a slow song she could dance to with Nick... provided he would even agree to dance since he always said how much he hated dancing. "Excuse me, Mr. Cray, she said to the DJ, do you have the song _Groovy Kind Of Love_ by Phil Collins?" It was the first song Nick had ever asked her to dance to and she thought it might be nice if they danced to it again, this time as a couple... but DJ Cray Cray either didn't hear her or he was too busy dancing with glowsticks stuck between each of his fingers to answer her. Deciding that she was probably wasting her time she looked around the room and tried to see through the groups of students around her to find Nick. He'd been gone for nearly 30 minutes and was nowhere in sight. Just then, a hand covered her eyes and she heard his voice in her ear. "Looking for someone?" he said playfully. She smiled and turned to see him, holding one arm behind his back like he was hiding something.

"Where'd you run off too?" She asked curious.

He replied, "Well I'd ordered you a corsage for tonight but between my suit and your mustache I forgot to give it to you... I ran out to get it from my car but it wilted in the heat."

She frowned, melting a little at the fact that he'd even thought to get her a corsage. "Aww Nick, that's so sweet of you. I'll wear it, I don't care if it's' wilted."

Shaking his head he replied, "No Jess, I couldn't let you do that..." he pulled his hand from behind his back and continued, "so I made you some roses that will never wilt."

There in his hand was a new corsage he'd made for her. Reusing the elastic band from the ruined corsage he'd bought earlier, he'd used the tools in the wood-shop to slice some wood shavings and glued them together until they formed the shape of 3 roses in bloom. He then colored the tips with a red permanent marker he'd found in the teacher's desk.

"Nick that's beautiful!" She said, reaching for the delicate arrangement while her eyes grew a little glassy. "I can't believe you did this... thank you."

At that moment Nick heard the opening chords of the song he'd requested earlier and placing the corsage on her wrist he said, "I wanted you to have something to remember tonight... so now that I've fancy fixed your corsage," he extended his hand to her and continued, "I'd like to dance with you."

Jess took his hand, she was practically beaming she was so happy. "I love this song, she said as she sang the lyrics in his ear, _Every time I've tried to tell you the words just came out wrong, so I'll have to say I love you in a song... _I love this song,_" _she held his hand as they swayed.

"I tried request _Groovy Kind Of Love, _I don't know if you remember, but that's the song we chicken danced to... it was the first time I ever asked ya to dance with me..." he added, "I sorta consider it our song."

She looked at him adoringly, "I remember. Maybe this should be our song now." She suggested.

"Well, I sang it to your mom last Thanksgiving soooo it's already me and Joan's song." He replied smiling.

Jess shook her head and smiled as she thought of Nick serenading her mother in their kitchen. "Maybe we should ask DJ Cray Cray to help choose a song for us." They both looked over at the DJ to find him waving his glowstick-grasping fingers rapidly in front of his face, mesmerized by the way the colors were dragging.

"Nope, no, definitely not." Nick replied then added, "I've got it... I've got the perfect song."

"What is it?" Jess asked.

"It has the perfect lyrics for us and everything... because _you _Jessica Day really are the one thing I can't get enough of." Recognizing the line, she smiled and grasped his hand firmly in hers. "I'm glad you did that," he said, "clearly you sense the urgency..." They both smiled.

"I'll tell you something Nicholas, _this_ could be love because, I've had the time of my life." She said with a grin from ear to ear.

"So have I Jessica," He replied. "And I owe it all to you."

At that moment she smiled at him, thinking of how he'd sung that same song to her just weeks after she'd moved in. She quickly looked around to make sure none of the students would see and once she knew the coast was clear, she kissed him and they swayed to the music as she whispered in his ear, "I love you Nick... even on your grumpiest, worst days. The kinds of days when you're pets heads are falling off... you know cause you look like Harry from..." Nick cut her off.

"Dumb and Dumber, I get it Jess, thank you..." smiling he added, "and I love _you_ too," he replied. "Even when you look like Burt Reynolds."

Laughing she responded, "Hey, the name's Burtie."

"Oh that reminds me," Nick said as he reached in his pocket pulling out two round wooden discs the size of silver dollars. They were identical, each had a hold drilled through where a chain had been attached. Jess recognized them as keychains and had a confused look on her face. "I made us each a prom favor." He said handing them to her.

Looking down Jess saw that each of the 2 keychains Nick had made had a small message engraved by hand, _Harry + Burtie 4-EVA. _Laughing Jess simply looked up at Nick, "Yeah," she said, "You are _definitely_ getting lucky after prom."


End file.
